Trigger warning – grief
Let’s explore how we may feel about grief …
Here’s my experience. It may resonate with your experience.
When my stepdad passed away very suddenly, there was a vast empty void. I was looking after my tiny, then 6-week-old daughter when his life was cut short.
I now believe in one life ending and a new life beginning.
Spending time with my newborn and the happiness (and pure exhaustion!) it gives is incredible. With mixed emotions of joy and grief, the first few months passed in a blur, and my stepdad is forever missed. We fondly remember the memories we made and the sadness of being no longer with us.
In the past 20 years, during the funerals I’ve attended, some celebrants seem to reflect happy times. A funny story is often recited. Precious memories were shared. Finding the positive from the inevitably sad occasion of saying goodbyes and feelings of a loved one’s passing.
In the early part of the grieving process, it’s sometimes hard to remember the wonderful memories of a special person when a mixture of emotions come to the surface, including denial, anger, resentment, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
This mixture of emotions is inevitable both before and after the funeral.
From experience, I have, however, fond memories of one relative’s funeral. Beforehand, all the women dived for the toilet just before. It was such a rush to go in and out in a limited time, so much so that we all giggled about from the experience.
That was such a good icebreaker before the funeral.
After the funeral, at a social gathering, we recalled some fond, happy memories of how that person enjoyed their love of gardening and ballroom dancing, winning many medals. Memories which we treasure. The weather was made from vegetables, a reminder of his enjoyment tending to his allotment.
WHAT HAS ALL THIS TO DO WITH LAUGHTER?
After funerals (before and during them), the attendees may think it not right to smile and laugh – but remember everyone is different, and we can feel more able to cope, plus have better nourished social connection if we allow ourselves to find the joy in life again instead of being solemn all the time.
We know that we don’t have to be happy to laugh and that Laughter Yoga creates such a boost of happiness inside, being with others is nourishing, able to make better decisions,
The social connection that comes with Laughter Yoga sessions brings about dopamine and oxytocin those positive chemicals of caring and sharing experiences. Supportive communities nourish themselves and those around them with positivity, smiling and Laughter Yoga.
When I learned of Reverend Richard Coles trying out Laughter Yoga as part of a documentary on coping with grief (Channel 4 – Good Grief), it was amazing that he was trying something completely different for his own well-being.
Not only did Richard join in a Laughter Yoga session – he felt that he had lost his laughter after losing his husband, he also took part in telephone laughter (10 minutes on the phone). He felt better and more positive.
Tears are inevitable in grieving, but doing laughter exercises helps us grow as people, brings positive chemicals inside us, helps us cope, and helps us start to live our lives. And be thankful for wonderful memories.
CAN WE LAUGH AND THEN GO TO A FUNERAL?
Four years ago, one client of mine came specifically to a Laughter Yoga session the day before a friend’s funeral to enable her to cope. I found this incredibly interesting.
Then a similar experience happened to me…
In 2023, I agreed to deliver a Laughter Yoga workshop to a marketing company.
Then, unfortunately, due to a dear friend’s death, the funeral fell on the same day as the workshop. How was I going to cope with both?
The Laughter Yoga session went well. I didn’t even think about the funeral during delivery, as is usual – the one-hour session was accompanied by a very cute office miniature poodle office dog.
At the funeral, I took my good, trustworthy hanky in my pocket, ready for the tears to come out in buckets, as per my usual sensitive self.
Guess what? The stabilisation of mood chemicals made me feel upset, but not as much as I would have expected, and the hanky wasn’t needed.
I’m sure that the hearty laughter in the morning helped me.
It was an interesting experience to try, from laughter to grief.
CAN WE LAUGH AFTER A FUNERAL?
At the wake, a celebration, and social get-together, we laughed about life and saw the funny side of life experiences.
Laughing together can help us cope, heal from regrets and anger, gain social connection, and give life a real purpose.
After funerals (plus before and during them), others may think it not right to smile and laugh, but remember everyone is different, and we can become more able to cope and have more social connections if we allow ourselves to find the joy in life again and not give up.
The social connection that comes with Laughter Yoga sessions brings about dopamine and oxytoci,n those positive chemicals of caring and sharing experiences. Communities coming together which are supportive, nourish themselves and those around them with positivity, smiling and Laughter Yoga.
When I learned of Reverend Richard Coles trying out Laughter Yoga as part of a documentary on coping with grief (Channel 4 – Good Grief), it was amazing that he was trying something completely different for his own well-being.
Not only did Richard join in a Laughter Yoga session – he felt that he had lost his laughter after losing his husband, but he also took part in telephone laughter (10 minutes on the phone). He felt better and more positive.
Tears are inevitable in grieving, but doing laughter exercises helps us process the inner feelings as laughing is a cathartic experience.
Simulating laughter, as in Laughter Yoga, provides happy hormones to bring more positivity, helps us cope better, and allows us start to really live our lives, be thankful for wonderful memories.
For more information on Laughter Yoga sessions, happiness workshops
and Bollywood Laughter Yoga Dance
contact Sara Kay – happy@seriouslaughter.co.uk
or call 07974 778091
Serious Laughter has been delivering life-changing Laughter Yoga sessions online and face-to-face since 2017.
